“I don’t want to leave this moment. I don’t want to miss one thing. Is there anything you want to tell me? I hang on every word you say. I’m longing for a fresh encounter, a wonder that I can’t explain. Is there anything you want to show me? Your presence is my favorite place.” -Kari Jobe
So, I drive a lot and writing is my thing. I understand life through reading, teaching, and song lyrics. I make sense of issues, struggles, and life through words. Also, I am a big picture kind of girl. I am NOT at all an “in the moment” decision maker, instant risk taker, or rapid choice type person. I think of every big picture aspect of a decision and how it will affect ‘my people’. Another thing about me- run arounds make me crazy. So when things are not black and white, I feel like my head is spinning.
Lately, I have been worried about time. As that big picture girl, I am decisive but decisive comes with a ticking clock in my head. I crave knowing what to do, how to do it, and how it will make the lives of those around me better or worse. While it is actually a good quality to have, it has burdened me lately. I have worried about what I will do and when. I have worried about how my decisions will affect my future and the future of my kids. I have worried about how my decisions effect all of MY PEOPLE. I have just flat out worried that whatever decisions I am making will affect others in a way that was not intended.
So, as I have worried about all of these big decisions of 2020 and the big decisions I have to make for me and my kids, I finally woke up. (I cant say it was distinctly one moment, because its actually been a gradual waking up over a few days/week but…..) I was driving and listening to just a random shuffle of songs. In the morning, its actually one of my favorite times- driving to work, music, and my thoughts. Kari Jobe always comes through right when I need her. While I have grappled with timing and decisions, I was reminded that God’s timing is something I truly can not compete with. Earthly deadlines and due dates exist and we have to be proactive and meet those, but some days we (by we I mean me) add even more unnecessary deadlines without asking our creator about His.
This morning, these song lyrics. I was reminded that I do not want to miss this moment, I do not want to miss even one small thing. The more deadlines and decisions I make ahead of the time when I actually have to make them, the more I miss right now. Instead of asking what to do now, I will change my position. I will remember to ask “is there anything you want to tell me?”. Truly when I am wrapped up in His presence and His mercy, it is my MOST FAVORITE place to be. He works in ways bigger than I could have fathomed for myself and I just really don’t get why I have to be human and forget that.
If you’re reading this and you’re one of my people, guess what…. I will jump the gun, I will try to make decisions ahead of time, and I will do it with the purest of intentions to benefit you people most. And…. I will also need to be reminded that my position and my gaze needs a shift. I will need reminding that maybe I need to quiet my mind and my decision making and listen to the divine being that consumes my favorite place- the presence of the final decision maker. I will need reminding to make only the decision at hand in the best way that will affect the future that I know about. I will need reminding that some days do not require a decision and maybe only a discussion. And, I will also need reminding that every single day needs a fresh encounter with the living God who has my best intentions close to His heart.
-Sincerely, Sydney.
Sincerely, Sydney. 